Smoked Salmon Spread

I’ve got some left over Smoked Salmon and I remember a few years ago my brother made a spread with some salmon I made back then. It was time to try it myself! Being the non-chef that I am, I would have no idea where to start, but alas that’s why we have the internet, RIPE with recipes.

Google salmon spread and you get a wealth of recipes. I just had to pick one, which i did. has a ton of recipes for your choosing, we’re going to go with this Smoke Salmon Spread!

Just mix it up and you’re done! Sounds simple right! WRONG!!!

So the first step was to figure out how the hell do I soften this cream cheese. One site said use a food processor. Hey I got an idea, I got a food processor called my VITAMIX! WRONG!! Not only did it not work, it spun forever not catching anything, it’s a BITCH TO CLEAN! I have it soaking in dishwasher fluid as we speak to try and loosen up the gunk. Great, now I can’t have my smoothie in the morning!

I’d post a pic, but it’ll just show my incompetence. Furthermore, it is very important to read LABELS! My next attempt to soften the cream cheese was to use the microwave. In goes the bowl with my cream cheese for about 25 secs. Will you look at that, it’s nice soft and mallable. While mixing the ingredients with the cream cheese this happens while mixing.


Yup, it says not recommended for use in MICROWAVE!!! SMH!!

In anycase, I was able to save my work and placed it in another container with all the ingredients intact.


After wasting serveral spoons, a big wooden spoon, a gunk filled Vitamix and a busted mixing bowl (I now have an excuse to get a new mixing bowl), the final product is done!

Just add some Ritz Crackers and you’re done!



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